Happy Thanksgiving..

Hello 420.

Just a post-by to wish you and yours a very happy turkey day. Hope that the time is well spent amongst family and friends.

God bless. Much love.

-Bat

A poem...

because I am bored and we need a fresh post.

Jazzman

You strut as you walk
heel to toe
heel to toe
Saunter down the road

You wander our hood
to and fro
to and fro
At dawn and at dusk

You follow the sun
high and low
high and low
Seeking the bright warmth

You watch the birds fly
come and go
come and go
A life toiled away

You find what you crave
yes and no
yes and no
Strung out, start again

family

I hate feeling like I'm losing the ones I love.

The Sun Also Rises

I have decided to make time for the classics... I'm about 100 pages into this Hemingway novel. It's really good.

What are you reading right now?

LOTTO FEVER

Someone fucking won millions of fucking dollars on the fucking Powerball in my fucking home town and it wasn't fucking me.

I usually buy my tix on the KC, MO side... of course yesterday I just happened to buy them on the Kansas side and the winning ticket was bought over in Missouri. I hate it when fate doesn't work according to my motherfucking plan.

I did get the Powerball number on one ticket, though. So I think I won back my money, to buy new tickets with... however, considering the fact that someone just won the jackpot here I doubt the odds will be in my favor for quite some time.

The Joys of being Female

We are a lucky sex let me tell you.

You have the obvious: childbirth, periods, cramps, mood swings and menopause. But we also have a few other wonderful things we have to deal with.

Body hair. Okay...I blame men for this one. God gave us all this body hair so why exactly do we have to do everything in our power to remove it? So we are more...what...attractive? sexy? smooth? Why exactly? I mean think about it...if I were to never have shaved in my life my leg hair would not be that long, that dark and I'm guessing it might even be on the soft side. Think of the peach fuzz legs we had as kids...big deal! I won't go into other areas we shave or wax. But I will mention the hair we as women are not supposed to get. Ahem. Chin Hair. Seriously, why? I'm not a man, I don't have a beard and I didn't have this problem 5 years ago. So why now? Why half way thru my day at work does this annoying little hair pop out and says look at me look at me! Little bastards.

Shedding. If I had thin hair I think I would be terrified by the amount of hair I lose in one day. Men I'm sure you have this problem too but short hair=not noticeable. On average I must lose 100 hairs in a day. They are everyWHERE. My clothes, my sink, my sheets, my shoes, your sheets, the floor, but worst of all down my shirt. Men if you see us digging in between our boobs don't get excited , we aren't feeling ourselves up, we have an invisible hair trapped down there and its itchy and it tickles and it will take us 30 minutes to find it and another will replace it in an hour. And it will always happen when you are talking with someone you are supposed to be professional with so then you can't reach down and find it. You have to squirm around and hope it works its way out. Press your arm against your chest casually to scratch that itch. And aside from the 100 hairs I lose in a normal day I must lose a 100 more in the shower alone. Jesus, if I kept the loose hairs that collect on my hand and my legs (why do they do that, they wash down till they hit your thigh and say this is a good place to stay till she removes us one by one) while shampooing for month I'm pretty sure I could make a wig for someone who needs it. Is it too much to ask that you stay in my head?

I do envy all fairskinned, light haired women out there who can go a day without shaving and not have to worry about 5 o'clock shadow on their legs. And the ones who can go for days...well I think I might hate you. And lucky you for not having to feel like you have more arm hair then most men.

I guess I just have issues with hair.

New Guy

There's a new guy at work today. They put him in the empty cube next to me. Poor little bugger has been thrown in with the crazies and he doesn't have the slightest clue yet. Actually he may have an idea, considering we also sit right across the aisle from a character so incomprehensibly close to being "Milton" from Office Space that you wouldn't believe it. He is so Milton that I'm surprised they haven't moved him to the storage space yet.

Anyhoo, this kid is still in college, an intern, and I am just sitting here dying as I listen to the wackos introduce themselves to him in all their insane glory. I wonder what he's thinking? Probably too concerned with making a good impression on his first day to really notice anything is amiss just yet. I'll give him a week before he starts to learn the ropes.

Rule #1 - Anything you say can and will be listened to and commented on by Milton. I swear the guy has a miracle ear tuned in to the highest frequency available. This morning he even overheard a conversation I had with a friend in the breakroom. He was at his desk and he heard us... and of course once I got back to my desk he commented on it and began a long and tedious anecdote that he deemed relevant to said conversation.

Rule #2 - Unless you want to get stuck talking for hours, do not reply to Milton. Yes, I know it sounds cruel. I have trouble with this rule. Sometimes I think I can get away with a simple and short reply, if only to make the guy feel like he's not talking to himself over there. This has proven to be a bad move 99.9% of the time. He will not let you end the conversation by going back to your desk. He will simply stand up and move closer to you as you back away. Mumbling "uh-huh" and "yeah" does not terminate the conversation. You must simply ignore ignore ignore, no matter how cruel and rude you may feel about doing so.

Rule #3 - Do not associate with Creepy Same Pants. (He wears the same pants almost every day of the week.) No one can figure out how this guy got hired. Apparently, he brought his wife to the interview with him and she did the talking. They still hired him. He is known for his extremely inappropriate talk and irrelevant comments. I have actually heard him make comments about vibrators here in the office. He also has wild notions of superiority over every other living human being. I remember on Valentine's Day when he proclaimed my fiance an idiot for getting me flowers and taking me to dinner on the actual holiday. "I do it the smart way," he declared. "I took my wife out to dinner two weeks ago. Do you think I had a problem getting a reservation? Nope! Plus I got her roses for half the price they charge on Valentine's Day!" Oh, and he also bought a car off of Ebay... while at work. This was during his first week here. He proceeded to walk around the office and brag to everyone he saw that he had just won a car on an Ebay auction he'd been following all day. Probably one of the craziest individuals I have ever met in my life, and I have met a lot of them. I avert my eyes when I see that he is coming in my general direction.

There are many, many more rules but I think you all are probably getting the idea. This place is a jungle... or a mental institution. Whatever it is, I always find it interesting watching someone figure it all out. Should make for an interesting day here at the office.